it was just dried fruit

On Valentine’s he came with a Protea flower in hand and three movies he hadn’t seen on a usb device. More or less in response, I offered him pomegranate kernels and sliced mangoes over small cups of Russian tea. I sent him home with a brown bag of dried apricots, which he publicly thanked me for on facebook as if they were precious jewels. But, at the time I was doing my best to not be on a date, so we had started the night talking about how it’s funny the French call pomegranates grenades. (Within a few hours this analogy was made clearer to me after my stomach underwent a small attack trying to digest the seed parts hidden under that ruby exterior of the kernels). He said how it’s one of the first words Persian children learn and I thought how it must be like apple in English.

Then, to myself, I thought about how some scholars think that the pomegranate is a more historically accurate version of the forbidden fruit if we consider that the Middle East is likely the region of inspiration for the Garden of Eden. Yikes, grenades come to mind again. But, I didn’t launch into this discussion because I wanted to avoid the subject of temptation. I had already been considering how I was likely a source of this for him. In fact, being alone with him was already breaking a rule in Muslim culture. And honestly, I was kind of irritated by his lax interpretation of all the rules forbidding contact with females before marriage. Must be because he grew up in Canada, such a weird place. I’m sure he’s culturally torn between westernism and easternism, but I lose respect for those who pick and choose how to abide to sacred texts according to personal conveniences and situations at hand. Why is drinking a glass of wine still forbidden but you’ve individually decided it’s ok for you to hold someone’s hand? I didn’t agree with that logic. And even before that night…

I clearly stated I’m not interested, not his girlfriend, not wanting anything more than friendship. So I tried to keep things unromantic and we watched Thank you for Smoking on my computer. But, after that night, and another flower (a lily of all things) within a few days, I realized these things don’t really matter, and he will continue liking me and pursuing me regardless. So recently I had to say, no more! We can’t see each other anymore. Me, an agnostic, I don’t want to interfere with anyone’s spiritual life, not yours, not my even own most of the time. And I certainly don’t want to feel guilty about things I don’t even believe in. Also, on the most basic level, it’s just uncomfortable to hang out with some one who’s into you when you’re not attracted to them. You avoid looking in their eyes that are looking at you that way. O man, where to look, not the flower he just gave you. While it was really interesting to learn about Iran’s elections, the revolution, as well as Muslim beliefs, I’m not going to be someone’s girlfriend without being their girlfriend.

Which leads me to a larger theory about relationships here- why can’t you just be a girl friend. Is it impossible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex if you are both single? Here, people tend to be an item almost immediately, without that friendship or at least ‘talking’ stage we have in America. It all seems completely rushed and random and no wonder, the perfect set-up for one of the highest infidelity rates worldwide. (interesting article: http://www.alternet.org/sex/81022/) All this leaves me craving all my male companions back home who would have great discussions with me, make me laugh so hard, come by to watch movies innocently, and give warm hugs at the right time.